Prairie Tale by Gilbert Melissa

Author:Gilbert, Melissa [Gilbert, Melissa]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Non-Fiction, Adult, Biography, Autobiography, Memoir
ISBN: 9781416599142
Publisher: Simon
Published: 2009-06-08T23:00:00+00:00

seventeen

WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?

After a great deal of soul-searching, the choice was clear. I had invested real time and effort into my relationship with Rob and if he was telling the truth, I was in. I knew we were young, but I also knew he was the man with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. He was the one I wanted all along.

Before I gave Rob my decision, though, I needed to break the news to Alan. I wanted to be as grown-up and considerate as possible. E-mail and text messages didn’t exist back then; I wouldn’t have delivered the news in such a cold manner, anyway. I wasn’t going to do it over the phone or by letter, either. Alan deserved better. He deserved to hear me explain in person why I was making this extremely painful decision.

I went to his apartment, praying it would go all right. Unlike Rob, who I’d seen cry and scream (hey, he’s an actor, there’s histrionics and drama), Alan was very even-keeled and reserved. He wore his emotions as neatly and carefully as his necktie. I wanted to vomit, but I felt like I had a grip on my feelings as I told him that I had been forced to make a difficult decision after Rob had suddenly come back.

Alan’s face was like stone, but I saw his eyes begin to melt as he uttered a scared and hesitant “Yes?”

“Back into my life,” I continued.

“Yes?” he said.

Before I could get into the details, Alan began to cry. He realized what was happening. I felt like Alexis Carrington, just a colossal bitch. I wanted to run home, crawl into bed, and instruct my mom to tell Alan I was breaking up with him, tell Rob I would marry him, and then set up the wedding so all I had to do was show up. I didn’t want to be a grown-up having this conversation, which quickly turned heartbreakingly sad and teary.

“What are you going to do?” Alan asked.

I told him, and he started to cry even harder. Then he pulled himself together and said he didn’t know what to tell me other than he hoped I would be incredibly happy. That made me cry hardest of all. I spent the night—both of us wanted one last night together—but leaving the next morning was torture. I had to drag myself away from this wonderful guy, and then I chastised myself the whole way home. I knew I was behaving like an utter moron.

At home, my answering machine was full of messages from Rob. Unable to reach me, he wanted to know where I was. I called him back. He wanted to know if I’d made a decision yet. He said he was losing his mind. I told him that I loved him very much and had a decision, but I needed a couple more days before I saw him. When we finally got together, I was blunt about my reservations.

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